Five Finger Friends

Teren came for a visit this past weekend and we discussed any future plans to relocate back to Hawaii. It made me think a lot about friendships and how things will be when/if we move home. It's been four years. Things change. People change. Will everything be the same with friendships?

Teren mentioned to me a while a go that his friend suggested the amount of TRUE friends you'll have in your lifetime you can count on one hand. While the word "true" may not have been the best choice, I think I kind of agree with that statement. How many friends do you have that, no matter what your interests, no matter how long you have not seen each other, no matter what you have done, regardless of your religious beliefs, regardless of your sexual orientations, regardless of your gender or race or social status, the friendship is always available?

When I did therapy in the schools I saw a lot of students that had issues with peers. I often used the analogy of friends being like the stock market. The investment of stocks are not the same for all. You need to be wise in deciding which stocks will be best for you and, while I hate to say it, offer the best returns.

Being in the seminary I have seen people get hurt because of the temporal nature of the residents. Some even have the reasoning to slowly separate themselves when their departure date draws near. To me that shows the level of investment they have had in that relationship. Then again, maybe they are doing it right. Maybe friendships ARE supposed to only be during the time that you are around the person. Maybe friendships should be dictated by physical proximity.

Thinking about the great friends I made I wonder if we will be friends for a lifetime. There are definitely a bunch of guys that I hope I will always be in touch with, and I'm not talking about virtually on facebook. Like a stock market, I guess I can never know. Stocks may crash tomorrow regardless of how much I invest. Or, stocks may shoot through the roof. I'll never know till I invest.

One night many moons ago, Mills and I sat outside of an old beach house. We drank our beers and indulged our karaoke crave with some songs by Kalapana. Some drunk guy that belonged to another party in the house came to the window and cussed at us. Mills, not a small guy, went up to the window and confronted this stranger. Words were exchanged and MIlls made his way to the side door. I went the opposite way and called the other guys we were with. When we got inside the guy ran off and nothing came about. Later Mills turned to me and asked, "Where did you go?" I explained that I went to call the others and he kind of laughed and told me I just disappeared and suggested I got scared. Quickly I denied that claim and stood by my statement. All the while, even to this day, I think about how scared I was. I did show up in the house and I did let everyone else know what was going down. I also did leave my friends side, and it was because I was afraid.

There has been numerous discussions with my friends back home, "Who would stand by your side in a time of need?" After that moment in time I vowed that I would not leave a friend if they were ever in need. Fortunately and unfortunately I was never placed in that specific situation again. My hope is that my vow will remain true. Sadly, there are times that I can see, not in a physical fight, but in other ways, I have left my friends in a time of need.

Perhaps I fail to be a true friend to anyone. Maybe a true friend is an impossible ideal. While I feel confident that there are people in my life that would lay down for me and I for them, what happens when the going gets tough? Will they stand by my side? Will I stand by theirs?

Again is the uncertainty of how your investments will pan out. Decide for yourselves whom you will invest in and how you will manage your investments. Will you pour everything into one "stock"? Will you spread it out evenly to a wide variety of "stocks"? Will you have a variation of large and small investments? Then what about for those that invest in you? The people that are close that put sizable investments into your "stock". Will you offer good returns?

jason